Scrambled eggs and toast

There are so many dreams — most, I don’t remember — where my life is in danger. In every dream I am fearful, calculating each move, before I eventually escape or am set free. This morning, my husband suggested I should brace myself within my dream and try fighting back, possibly kick any threatening guy in the nuts, he said. I don’t know how I ended up in this circus but I like it.

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Nighttime sleep does nothing to alleviate tiredness from the day before. I wake up exhausted, having fought god knows how many battles all night long. What does bring me joy and energizes me almost instantly is the fact that it is morning again — a new day! I usually start my day by making some coffee for the husband and some breakfast for me (he’s not big on morning meals). After that, I decide one big thing that I would like to aim for on the given new day. Usually, this “big thing” is cooking something specific for lunch or doing a big round of laundry, drying and folding included. Today’s task is to do a focused workout, preferably for 20 minutes. I touched 10 yesterday because I wasn’t ready for the challenge — today, I am.

There’s one more thing, however, that needs to be done. I need to drag my behind out on this very grey, very rainy day to find myself an outer skin for the cold months that are soon to arrive. I’ve done this so many times, to no luck, so let’s see if I’m successful today. I think it’s important to look cute while you’re protecting yourself from harsh climates. Nothing less will do, nope.

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I like how the upper bar of my device shows me what day it is, besides the current time. It’s mid-November today. Crazy how diverse this year has been and how I was living (living! not visiting!) in a totally different part of the world for the first half of this year, how I had to go through so many bureaucratic processes, seek so much help from a beloved friend, and gear up for a big change, questioning and re-questioning it along the way. How I used to live in a small room on the first floor of an old house with a front yard and a back yard, with my landlady sleeping in the room next to mine — how odd it was to be a stranger witnessing the making and breaking of somebody else’s life up close. This same year I went from feeling isolated to feeling safe in the warm embrace of love. It’s been a long year and a very long decade still, with the biggest decision of my life having been made in 2012. How brilliant and painful and life-changing these years have been.

Well. It’s almost time for me to go now.