New kid on the block

There's rhythmic white noise that often plays in the background these days. The last of the sun has been gracing us as we prepare for fall. I can't believe summer just came and went but then again, so much has happened that didn't let us stop and smell the roses for too long. And of course, there's that new kid on the block that our minds keep returning to––I recently became a mother.

A mother. What a thing to be. I dreamt about it for years, long before there was any possibility for it. I wanted the time and the moment to be just right. And just right it was––I'm infinitely blessed. My delivery notifications are all about booties and blankets and diapers and anti-colic bottles. In the little pockets of time to waste I get every other day, I end up updating my baby registry even though only a couple of acquaintances have asked for it. Yes, our camera roll is filled with pictures of the newborn. It's such a wonderful time, I keep reading various invocations and prayers to ward off the evil eye. A few months ago, I came across some women talking about the perils of motherhood online. About how difficult it is and how there is a dearth of support. There were even some voices of resentment and others warning non-mothers against the side effects of "baby fever". I have found myself to be alone in this new role, along with my child's other parent, on a continent thousands of miles away from the only other homes we've known, and still those voices don't resonate with me. 

I'm infinitely blessed.

My heart is filled with a lot of love and a lot of fire. The fierceness came immediately, surprisingly, not as a surprise. Somehow I knew my claws would come out and what better timing than the one right now? We've been having caffeine round the clock and sleeping so deeply in spite of it. I've been having a salmon and cream cheese bagel every day. It's been a relief, this point in time, when we don't have to go for medical appointments anymore. Home is just wonderful as always and now that I've wrapped up whatever little social commitments I had for summer, I can finally relax and take my time and find my new routine.

In the winter, I would like to go to more concerts, to frequent the gym, to find more friends or even acquaintances, and give room to my voice, as quiet as it may be, make it louder and make it heard. For now, it's good to just breathe and enjoy the hour of silence while our new roommate takes a nap.