Sheep in the big city

    

Last night I couldn't fall back asleep and I somehow ended up in the wormhole of rare pictures from 2011-2014. Of the few regrets I have in life is that I don't have enough pictures from my teenage years and early 20s. Somewhere along the way, my parents decided photography was unnecessary and we stopped recording moments from our life altogether. So it really warmed my heart to come across a few images from when I was a wee lass and the family was going through hardships (plural). I felt proud knowing how far I'd come along and how driven and ambitious I used to be even when there seemed to be no way out at all.

I also felt grateful being reminded of the fact that even though I lived a largely limited life due to personal circumstances, I had few wonderful acquaintances online whose friend-/companionship got me through the darkest, cloudiest days. It's so easy to forget where you came from but I want to keep remembering and keep reminding myself again that things do get better and circumstances can change.

But yes, it's a new year and I do feel mildly disoriented knowing we have to start all over again but I'm incredibly grateful I get to do it with my spouse this time. Last year, I remember having slept through NYE because I couldn't face the feelings of loneliness and distance from my loved ones. There are parts of 2022 that were really hard and made me feel immensely vulnerable. I'm glad to have them behind me. This year, we watched a movie and slept through NYE because we were just too comfortable being home and couldn't care less about anything going on outside. We called our parents and siblings and wished them well. And there was some fried chicken too, of course.

Anyway I'm walking into this year sans resolutions but I really want to focus on my general health and consciously take out time for myself. I get so caught up in work that I overlook caring for myself most days – it doesn't make a big difference but it has kept adding up and I want to change that. I also wanted to take more risks in the kitchen and go beyond some tried and tested recipes. More hearty soups and meals, more salads, more baked casseroles. More leaning into my present capabilities instead of wondering about what could be. More recognition for all that I am, all that I've done.