What's that thing they say about July?

    

 

Last night I fell asleep watching Back to the Future II. I had my glasses on and woke up sometime after the movie ended, surprised that I had slept that way. It had been a long day.

Paranoia. So much of it has come back after it reluctantly went away a few months ago. I've been hearing about people around me taking ill again and it's making me anxious. To make it worse, more people are out in public than ever and the trains are crowded. I've come full circle and have been looking for excuses to cancel plans but the only thing that's holding me back is the thought that I'll never get to do this again.

I'm happy though. Things are coming to a close. And having been through enough multi-faceted experiences in my thus short life, I do realise that (as corny as this is going to sound) time travels like ocean waves. If you feel like everything is alright right now, you have another thing coming for you. But I'm okay living with that thought in my head. It's been a while existing that way, always waiting for something bad/worse to happen. You know what helps me though? Getting used to the lows, having faced plenty. It really prepares you.

Right now, I'm thinking of making some really good chicken stock and freezing it for the winter. I'm also thinking of homemade beef meatballs. I can't wait to cook in bulk and meal prep for an entire week. I want to curl up on the sofa and fall asleep watching a good show. I want to just enjoy some time with my spouse in silence — long distance makes you talk so much because all that space needs to be filled up with something and it's usually half-interesting words.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see M. I might even see A. O is ill, unfortunately. I'm not the best at socialising but have learnt that if you don't put yourself out there, it's never going to happen. And it must happen — friends are important! Especially later in life! No one's going to come and rescue you from your old-age loneliness better than a good old friend. So many of mine are long-distance now but I've made it a habit to send that occasional text. It doesn't matter if you reach out once a year or twice, it only matters if it's mutual.

Anyway, I'm thinking of breakfast now.