Gems from my father

    

I have been feeling very dejected lately. I’m nearing the end of my degree program and the reality of becoming an actual adult has hit me. I need to make something substantial of my life, whether it is grad school or landing a decent job because I don’t have the privilege of coming from money / an upper class. Grad school is unfortunately not possible for me due to the lack of funds, so job hunting it is. You can be a really strong person like me and feel nothing when you keep receiving rejections – but it all bundles up together and hits you one day.

It hit me yesterday.

My chest had been feeling heavy all day but when I went to bed, something happened inside me and I just started to cry. I cried, and I cried, and I cried. And then I went to sleep. I woke up feeling much better and focused on some research that I'm doing currently but then a reminder of how difficult life is for me (just because I come from an underprivileged background and not because I lack any education or skills) came along my way. And then the tears came flooding out again.

Life is difficult, I thought. And nothing good is ever going to come out of it for me. Against my usual judgment, I texted my father. Now I can’t be completely open with him because he worries a lot about me so I left out the details and told him about how I’d been feeling “a little” depressed. I told him of the competition that surrounds me and I told him of the shrewd people that I’m competing against. I told him that I’ve always believed that good things will happen with me because I am down-to-earth honest – and they have for that very reason. I told him that I consider my honesty to be my greatest strength (especially in today’s dishonest world) but there were days when I didn’t feel so sure.

“Keine Sorgen, liebe Tochter,” said my father. No worries, dear daughter, he said. Keep up your own efforts. So far you have been doing just fine. You have done so much better than others. Something much better awaits you, god-willing. You just can’t give up honesty and become shrewd like many others.

And then he ended this heart-felt speech with a gif of an animated sheep giving a thumbs-up.