Very well then

    

    

Just as I had thought, I finished reading all the books I mentioned in my last post (well, except Meatless Days because it's too abstract for my taste at the moment) and now I'm on my bonus book––Very Cold People. I do highly recommend getting a public library pass if you don't have one already, and live in a city where you can get it. If anything has kept me afloat during my days of unemployment, it's that. I know I've talked about it before. What else have I read? Like A Mother. What am I thinking of reading next? Essential Labor, by the same author. There are some other really great books on our bookshelf at home which I haven't even touched yet but somehow unaccessible books from the library seem more appealing and I just rarely get around to reading what we already have and have paid for.

What else? I had an unsuccessful bureaucratic appointment today. I had all the documents but the clerk was more concerned with nonexistent details. I thanked her politely and said I'll come back later. Then the husband and I went out for lunch since it was a lovely day regardless, and, after that, I took him to this sweet Italian place for coffee. These are just some of the last days of our youth before our bones start creaking. We're already cranky old farts on half the days (willfully, mind you) so it's nice to be young––feel young––and carefree sometimes. There's more romance in aging than older people talk about so here I am telling you it only gets better.

I heard someone say a word of German earlier today and my ears pricked up like an eager dog. Seven years in that wretched country and I still get happy (is it happiness?) when I hear somebody else's tongue, and understand it.

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I cooked a small batch of chicken pulao and potato cutlets today. I felt like it had been forever since I had proper food. You know, how sometimes time just passes by and you don't even know where it's going, or, more precisely, what's going into your tummy? It had been days of sandwiches and pakoray and what not and I just wanted a proper nutritious meal.

We were supposed to go spring jacket shopping today but it's rainy and I don't like stepping into the rain voluntarily. Tomorrow's going to be a much better day so I'd rather do that then. This also sounds a lot like procrastinating but what's a girl to do when it's blah outside and home just feels safer, cozier. Like, there's this party tonight that I could accompany my husband to but the bed is nice and soft and warm and I sleep so much these days. And what am I going to do around a bunch of science nerds anyway? I do wish I had my new books with me. I'm not liking the Manguso debut very much. And I can't seem to like anything on the telly these days either. Remember the days when all I did was binge-watch anything and everything that came my way? Yeah, me neither.

My husband says that although I write very well, I should consider editing what I put out here, so that it could be better. But does anything ever get better than this?

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I've been having the most vivid dreams about people from my past, people I used to know very well and then, not at all. I want to stop having them and at the same time, I wonder, do they dream about me too? And do they feel just as mildly as I do, now that so much time has passed and we're all much older and at very different places in life? Sometimes––and I've learnt this the hard way––it's better to leave some people in the past. It's much nicer to have a chest full of fond memories in your mind rather than dragging it out into the present and examining all the dust and cracks. Present me has had a difficult time reconciling with people from her past. Sometimes they're quite nice... almost too nice. And at other times, you learn that you're the only person who has moved into the future and the other person is just where you left them, even if that was a whole decade ago. It's heartbreaking.

You know how when you're all bundled up and warm and somebody opens the window and a very cold draft blows in? It's kind of like that.