Discourse.

Last night,

I experienced the urge

To shoot myself through the temple,

To shoot myself through the roof of my mouth,

To shoot myself through the back of my head,

And I want you to know

I could not breathe and I will not breathe

Because sometimes, my oxygen levels go so low

And I sit up in bed with my head in my hands;

A punctured soccer ball that cannot be played with.

I say what I mean and how I mean and there are no

Read-between-the-line lines or

Decipher-this phrases (okay, sometimes)

And that is because I want you to know

You make me forget in a way that is most welcome

The good, the bad, the past and future

‘Til all there’s left is but “now” —

And my heart slams against my rib cage and

I believe I’m alive once more.

We are at the onset of war

And when the time comes, you will see me

In the ranks — pale-faced, wide-eyed woman

And you may not be there

Because your duty to your family calls

But I want you to know:

I am not afraid of dying — and when they come for me,

Jeering faces, muddy hands, in the dark,

I will tell them I died when I was twelve

And I knew what people were all about —

No surprises there, sir, shoot me —

But despite that, I will remember you

Because you made me forget.

I want you to know

It is not love that binds the ocean and the shore,

That the shore hugs the ocean regardless of how it leaves

Because it is tied —

But I am not tied down to you

And neither are you to me

Although, if Eden exists, I wish to see

You in there before myself

Because you made me forget.

There were around two million civilian deaths in Vietnam

800,000 during the Rwandan Genocide —

In just a hundred days, they say,

And it was 1994 — and we were the children

Playing the backyard

And I want you to know that General Tommy Franks

Might not do body counts — but I do

And a handful of thousands have been droned down:

And we exclude Hiroshima and Nagasaki so I go back

And add 70,000 people —

Including weaning infants

(And I don’t forget the abused in Guantanamo Bay).

I forget — I forget a lot of things —

But I want you to know

I am not very smart although I learn quick

And I might not be as privileged as you

For I was raised in adversity

And how this is not a clarification

But a confrontation —

You saw me! You saw me — you saw through me

And I knew I was visible

And that thought alone

Is great enough a companion
On my journey to my six-foot deep haven.